Yamada-San is now known as Tsuki-San, which means Mr.Moon. I think this is a really cute name!

Today he opened his eyes for the first time, he looks so different …Another milestone. I am a proud momcat!

I’m not sure what I am feeling right now. I am angry, sad, and depressed… somewhat on the cynical side as well. I am living in a turmoil of thought. Do you ever get the feeling that you don’t know yourself? Do you ever fail to explain why you did certain things and hurt certain people? I don’t know what’s gotten into me, I hurt so many people, especially last year. Just now I read somethings from a person who’s very close to me and dear to my heart, and I discovered that I was very cruel. I am very cruel.

I blogged this yesterday but I couldn’t upload it, so here goes.

Good morning you…

3 days ago my brother rescued a newborn kitten from the gutter and brought him home.. I am again a Mother! This baby is so young that his umbilical cord was still attached to his tummy! needless to say, his eyes are still shut. So now I take care of him, I feed him and I keep him warm using water bottles… I clean him and I even help him urinate ,etc. His body is too weak to actually do that, he needs help.

He woke me up this morning at 3 a.m, and I fed him and heated some water to change his bottle. oh and his cord fell! yippeeee.. I was so happy. It was a milestone.

Some people can’t relate to what I am saying, they can’t imagine why I am so thrilled about Yamada-San. I forgive them and invite them to be tender with animals. All animals are like babies, they are helpless.
As you might have noticed, the name is Yamada-San. I chose a japanese name for him, it means : Mr.Yamada. I think it’s super cute! he’s blonde though and he doesn’t look the least bit japanese. oh well…cultural exchange.

I’m taking driving lessons and I think I made my instructor angry yesterday. I don’t regret it though because he always makes me angry with his comments. Sometimes he just says things to piss me off and I don’t answer back out of respect, but yesterday I didn’t care. He asked me to do a turn with the car,something that requires going back using reverse gear and I did it. When he got in the car again he told me he didn’t like it, I personally thought it rocked. So I ignored his comment. Then he repeated it, so I told him ” I found it to be perfect,and nothing went wrong, I did it beautifully and I’m not convinced with what you’re saying”…So he started talking about it again saying it wasn’t good, and I SWEAR it was so good that I amazed myself. so I told him ” you know something, you might not agree with me on this, but I thought it was perfect. So whatever you say now will not affect me and I will not be convinced by it. So you and my brother in the back can talk all you want about it, I liked it and I will not listen to you two.” He got angry,naturally. But he’ll survive.

I had another translation job last week,and they gave me two days to complete it and hand it in. I was under so much pressure since I had an exam as well. After I translated it, I gave it to someone to type it and save it for me on 2 NEW disks. So i got home from school and it turned out that this person didn’t save it on disks but rather printed it out. I was helpless, and I was already 2 hours late in sending it via email. so I cracked. I cried.
Then my sister and her husband took me and we went somewhere to type it in, It was sent at 8 p.m. God, that was an AMAZING RELIEF!

So I’m a Blogger… I printed my blog the other day. It will make a nice collection for future generations I believe, if not then a useful addition to my so-far-3 diaries. The fourth is on the way. It’s worth noting though that after I die I want my third diary,the one I’m filling up now, to be burnt. I don’t want to share what’s written in it with anyone else, I write in it exclusively for myself. It’s dangerous.

I need to write things down, or I’ll forget the major part of them. Every detail is important, every bit counts. My emotions, impressions, development or decline of thought, varied tastes, rapid rebellions, tactful or tactless strategies, all should be recorded. Record it I do.

“I’d like to love you but my heart is a sore”

-Marilyn Manson

I like Manson. I like many of his songs,the music is just revolutionary! I wish I could meet his makeup artists, they are simply amazing. The work they do is outstanding. Manson is so different,he’s twisted, he’s the darker side of us all and he’s out in the light. I think this is one of the major reasons why the majority of people don’t even approve of him. He represents their scariest thoughts, he exposes their most intimate & darkest fantasies and he pays no attention to common laws. We all desire that, but we can’t have it,therefore we disapprove of anyone who dares to break the rule.

I adore people who dare to be different,and Manson certainly is a good example of how different one can be. He’s bold. I admire that. That’s not why I like his music though, I honestly enjoy it.

“I’ll step on you on my way up, I’ll step on you on my way down” - Better of two evils

I can relate to many of his songs, they radiate anger and rebellion. Plus I quote him. Call me twisted if you will, I’d still like him and his music all the same. You should give it a try.

” I’m not ashamed,you’re entertained. But I’m not a puppet,I am a grenade. ” - Vodevil

The Canadian seal hunt is the largest commercial slaughter of marine mammals on the planet. This was true even before the Canadian government announced that it would allow fishermen to kill 975,000 harp seals off Newfoundland and Labrador between 2003 and 2006. Despite scientific evidence that such a high quota is unsustainable, the government claims the hunt will not harm seal populations. To make matters worse, it’s doubtful that the Canadian government will even enforce the quota should sealers exceed it. After all, officials have turned a blind eye when sealers have exceeded quotas in the past.
The hunt targets very young seals. The Canadian government’s own figures show that 96.6% of the reported 286,238 seals killed during the 2002�2003 hunt were between 12 days to 12 weeks old. These seals were most likely beaten to death with a club or a large ice-pick-like hakapik. Later in the season, hunters use rifles.

An alarming number of the seals are skinned while alive and responsive to pain. Recently, an independent, international team of veterinarians observed the hunt and examined the corpses of skinned seals. They found evidence that up to 40% of them had skull injuries that were not sufficient to have caused death.

Many Canadians�as well as citizens of other nations�are appalled by the brutality and unsustainability of this pointless hunt. And they don’t believe the claims by the Canadian government that the hunt is necessary to protect the region’s crashing fish populations, which have been devastated by many years of industrial fishing. These people want the Canadian government to stop not only promoting the hunt, but also helping out the seal fur, meat, and oil industries.

The 2003�2004 hunt was met with massive protest. It wasn’t only the number of seals killed�the current, incomplete, count is 321,199�but also the rampant brutality exhibited even while sealers knew observers were both watching and videotaping. The video footage and still photographs were seen around the world, hardening opposition to the hunt. Politicians in the United States, the United Kingdom, and other nations have joined citizens in pressuring Canada to do the decent thing and end this barbaric and wasteful hunt.

………………………. Article taken from the website of The Humane Society of the United States :
http://www.hsus.org/marine_mammals/protect_seals/

Hail!

I credit myself for not being an extremist. I got 6 new ear piercings yesterday!! 3 along each ear,starting from the upper cartilage rim (helix stud) and evenly distributed along the curve of the rim reaching my original hole. They are awesome! absolutely fantastic!

The story:
2 weeks ago I had no intention of adding any new holes to my body. Just when I thought I’m safe of any craziness, I got this idea. I wanted to decorate my ears with jewels. I talked to my friend about it, she mentioned something about wanting to get another ear piercing. So we decided we should do it together.
Yesterday I just said : Let’s do it! so we went to a pharmacy, I took my veil off, and we did the necessary measurements and well, I didn’t blink.
I think I was in a special state of mind, I didn’t really think. I was drunk somehow. Having pierced the right ear first, I took a break. We did the necessary measurements for the left ear,and we did it. This hurt though, I’m guessing because I got bored or perhaps I realised by then that I am inserting needles in my ears. There was no turning back, and it had to be done.
My ears turned red, and they hurt. But I managed. I couldn’t even sleep on my sides last night lest I put them under pressure, needless to say, I really couldn’t do that because of the pain. It was a terrible night but I suffered in joy.

I love my ears but my ears hate me. They really do, but I believe they’ll get over it. I’m taking good care of them. They look amazingly BEAUTIFUL! I didn’t tell my parents about this project of mine, because I already know what they’ll say. My mother discovered my new ear decorations today,and it was too late. I think she finds them pretty, because she didn’t comment on their being otherwise. I love them!
My nostril piercing is healing wonderfully, I take care of it. It’s so nice. I really love my piercings. I’d love to get a tongue ring someday,but I have a feeling it will never really happen.

Enough of the technicalities,I am happy.

On another note,someone told me that my blog shows that I feel I’m superior to others. I instantly denied it. It made me think though, do I feel that I’m superior? Isn’t that just another introduction to racism for example? I think I am different,and that I think in my own way, but what happens next? Is feeling superior a natural result for this method of thought? I’m not sure.
I know I treat people nicely, but this naturally doesn’t mean I like them. It doesn’t mean I think everyone is worthy of my companionship,and this doesn’t mean that I think I am necessarily better than they are. I admit I am self-centered at times… but hey, aren’t we all? show me your saint, I’ll show you your biggest sin.

This is a day to remember. I had my first semi-strike and I am proud of it. I was already angry and sad,sitting in the languages center as I was, and there came a man yelling at all of the students including myself to leave the building! It was raining cats and dogs and I wasn’t in the mood for a shower, so I simply told him that I will not move.

All the other students moved silently outside. I stuck to my place on the ground. The man threatened to throw water at me,and he yelled at me. I told him to speak politely to me and not to yell . He didn’t listen so I remained where I was. I couldn’t feel anything. I was too sad to care for what might happen, and I knew I was standing up for myself and speaking up. I was defending my right and I do not allow anyone to yell at me.

The man grew more angry, and I grew calmer because I knew I was getting on his nerves with my attitude. I told him that if he doesn’t speak to me politely I will not understand what he says. He then called two other men. I was alone on the ground and no other student existed in the building,only my friends who stood nearby but didn’t dare to join me. The men started talking to me,but he kept yelling.I grew more determined. He threatened to call security, I told him that I don’t mind it. They can’t touch me,and if they do they will be in big trouble. Then I told him I would go to the dean if he wants, because I don’t care. He noticed how determined I was so he cooled down a little, and used a lower tone. I made him listen at the end, and he talked politely. I proved my point and I left the building,only to return 15 minutes later and sit exactly where I was sitting previously. I am proud of myself.

It may not sound as much, but to me it is. People don’t speak up. They let others violate their rights and silently approve of it, I don’t. I taught that man how to respect me, and he learned his lesson. From now on, he will think twice before yelling at people like that.

Everybody was staring at me. It was so strange that a girl should “resist” like that. I reject being stereotyped, I reject being bossed around, and I reject giving in. It scares people that I say such things and think such thoughts, but if they were to understand what I’m about, they will change their minds. Speak up before it’s too late!

It seems awfully long since I last registered anything for the benefit of my anonymous readership, if such readership indeed existed. I have had to survive a demanding life style recently, and I love it. The new semester has commenced, and I am -as habitual of me- overloaded.
So much to do, so much to learn, so much to read, and very little time to get anything done. I am overwhelmed with how much needs to be done, but I must confess that I do like this state. It gives me a feeling of fulfillment, even if I think that I don’t achieve much. It radiates of security, strange? Not at all. I am safe when I am busy. At least that’s how I like to comfort myself.

In any case, much has been happening. Bear in mind though, that my online blog is by no means my diary. I keep a separate diary in which I record my most intimate thoughts, my very caprices, and my beloved memories. I have gone through half of my third diary, yet I feel like there was and is so much that I forget to record. I have a bizarre memory, it’s very selective. On what basis does it select its occupants, I know not. I seem to have an excellent memory of certain things, which could be classified as insignificant. Ah, I have prolonged my talk of my diary and memory. Let’s cut to the chase now:
I am enjoying my days as best as I could. I am adjusting with the novel pressure that my choice of subjects has thrown over my shoulder. I think I’m doing alright. I got my first semi-job last week. It was a thrilling experience. I loved the challenge, as I always do. I was a consecutive interpreter during a workshop on contemporary issues in trademarks. That means I had to orally translate from Arabic to English and vice versa for a whole day, on a severely complicated subject. I had to read a lot about it, as I am no lawyer or specialist in that particular field. I managed extremely well, and I am so proud of myself.
My father, however, behaved quite oddly before that day. I think he even tried to put me down, and to make me quit before I even started. Some sort of psychological intimidation if you want, with the sole purpose of scaring me away from that very first step towards what could be a start of my career. I was profoundly hurt. But equally determined to excel, I just love a challenge. What I am proudest of is the fact that I did not let myself down, I did it, and I mastered it. I have a renewed faith in my capabilities and I hope it never dies.

I am learning the Japanese language, and I am always curious about the culture. I believe it is vital to learn the ways of other people, since it gives way to new horizons of thought. One should never limit one’s self within one world. One should never fear the other.
It’s amazing how the Japanese culture differs from mine. It is such an enriching adventure to go deeper into the details. It just reveals so much! I appreciate my own culture more than ever and I respect it thoroughly, for now I have a clearer understanding of it.
What’s also worth noting is that I will be on kids TV in the USA. Hahaha isn’t that funny? The thing is that Jude’s school loved what I sent her about Flat Stanley and Flat Ali so much that they will actually put it on TV! I had invented Flat Ali, so that he could take Stanley on a tour. They loved the idea and the pictures! And I am technically in every single picture. Lovely, eh?
It’s always good to be appreciated. What counts more here is that I made Jude’s little heart happy.
I finished reading the odyssey. I read a play for Wilde afterwards. He is such a witty person, very thorough, precise in what he means, and an expert of word play. Absolutely fabulous! Here are quotations from that play, “A woman of no importance”:
- “Lord Illingworth: “I never intend to grow old. The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life.
Mrs.Allonby: and the body is born young but grows old. That is life’s tragedy. ”
- “Mrs.Allonby: All men are married women’s property. That is the only true definition of what married women’s property really is. But we don’t belong to anyone.”
- “Lord Illingworth: one can survive everything now-a-days, except death, and live down anything except a good reputation.”

I want to write about numerous things… hundreds of sentiments. I have plenty of thoughts just swimming around in my mind, what’s tantalizing is that they expose themselves to me when I have no means of jotting them down. And when such means becomes handy, they either evaporate or hide somewhere. Hide and seek is good practice, I have learned.
I wonder what my future has in store for me. My age is one that, when asked about it, does not make me lie or stutter. Still, I question myself everyday if I had sincerely lived those 20 years. What have I done? What will I do? I assuredly pray that the answer to the latter beats the answer to the former.