My brother got me a baby chameleon that he caught.. I named her “August”. I let her go too after a lovely photo-shoot. Now I’m drinking a blackish liquid,it is supposed to be fizzy but it no longer is, too old, in a tall plastic orange glass that smells like oregano.

Have you ever become your own enemy? The perfect negation of everything you have previously based your universal truths upon? Then you doubt who you are . Are you a saint or a sinner? who are you? you are your own worst nightmare. The opposite of what you once held as right and pure.

I am in such a turmoil of thought that I find no route that leads out.

For a considerable period of time I was alienated from my mother tongue. Ever since I finished high school I did not touch an Arabic book,save for the two obligatory syntax-related ones at college. And even then the way in which the subjects were presented was not at all appealing. It makes me sad to see most of my peers unable to appreciate and enjoy the beauty and depth of the books in the Arabic library. I had been one of them for the past three years but now I finally sobered up and I am back on track.

The situation of the Arabic language is simply complicated. It is one of the richest languages and yet one of the most targeted. By whom? My theory is that when occupation came to our lands, colonists (The british in Jordan and Egypt,The french in Syria,Lebanon,Morocco,and Tunisia,The italians in Libya) decided the best way to alienate muslims from their religion is to attack the Holy Quran. Now burning Quran or just making it vanish was not an option since muslims would never allow that, so the bad guys figured : If Quran is the core of Islam, and it is a linguistic miracle ( and a miracle in other aspects as well), then what we could do is distant these muslims from the language of Quran, and then they won’t be able to understand it and Islam will be shattered.
They knew it would take a lot of time and sweat, but they did it. Making Arabs and Muslims live in the illusion of the “prestige” that foreign words and expressions hold did work. I do not mean to say that Arabic did not follow the typical course of linguistic evolution and change,like all other languages, thus promoting the various dialects and such. But I have no doubt this was emphasized by those bad guys. As a matter of fact, during the occupations of Arab lands many restrictions were made to prevent people from using Arabic and to force them to use the language of the dominant countries. This has worked, this is what we mean by Cultural Invasion.

If you walk down the street in Amman, you would probably hear so many people using English instead of Arabic. I just told why the case is so. The false prestige of foreign words got to us.It is difficult to try and tell some brain-washed people to use Arabic, they would dismiss the diea as if it was a bad joke.
Back to my argument now. So when Arabs forgot their language, they could no longer relate to what the Holy Quran says, they could no longer read Arabic books without the use of a dictionary, they could no longer write in proper Arabic and actually make sense. This is what’s happened to my language and it angers me so much, since I too played a part in doing that to it. I used to write stories in Arabic, I always loved the language and enjoyed it tremendously, where did that go? why did I choose to let it go?

To redeem myself, I began reading Arabic again. I read an amazing novel by Taha Hussein entitled “Do3a2 al karawan” which means ” The supplication of the stone curlew”. here’s a link to a site about the great author :http://www.sis.gov.eg/egyptinf/culture/html/thussein.htm

Featured word : chatelaine

the mistress of a chateau or large country house

On another note, I went this past weekend and got my hair cut. It depressed me deeply as usual. I hate having my hair cut or damaged or anything of the sort. But the thing is, I needed to get it cut because I started resembling a prehistoric cave woman, literally. The pitfall was that the RETARDED hairdresser did NOT understand any of my instructions, I told her not to cut much and she really cut much more than I intended to lose! I wish I could inflect pain on her because she deserves it… She even made two of my new ear piercings fall, even though I was very clear and specific when I warned her that I got pierced recently. Does she understand Arabic? I doubt it! gggggrrrrrr….. note to self : Never cut your hair again!

I know I am weird when it gets to my hair. I’m obssessed with it. I always get depressed and cry when I cut it
. I even get family members to comb it after I shower and I adore it when it’s played with. I just purr like a cat,feels so good. It’s heaven!

I’m not weird concerning my hair only, I’m also weird when it comes to other people’s hair. Hair is the first thing I notice about a guy. I love long hair,on girls and guys. I just absolutely and totally fall for long hair, needless to say, when it’s well taken care of. My girls find it disgusting that I like guys with long hair, but honestly it’s such a turn on. I can’t speak when a good looking long haired guy passes by. It’s one of those mysteries of life and I don’t think I’ll grow out of it.

Enough of my nonesense, let’s join the party downstairs…

My father happens to be one of the craziest drivers on earth. It’s not hat I’m being a typical complain-all daughter, it’s the truth. you can ask anyone who knows him and you will get the same answer… so if you’re not a speed/adrenaline rush craver, I strongly advise against going with dad for a spin in the car. But there’s a catch to it, and this is one of the very few times I will praise him, he is the best driver EVER. It’s amazing really to see how he drives, he does dangerous things but he does them right . I’ve known so many drivers as I’m sure you have too, but he is simply smashing.

It is essentially correct that I willingly put myself in the jaws of death everytime I get in the car with him , but then again, I am always at risk of dieing while showering… suppose I slip and bump the back of my head hard.. I am also at risk of dieing when I drink tap water, or when I cross the street… I might die while eating or drinking… I might have a panic attack like that time when I had one and fainted and there was nobody to help me because I was home alone.. I fell off the chair and woke up after some time not knowing where I am or what had happened, it was a scary experience… I might lose my life in so many ways that it seems not so trivial to ask the question :

WHY AM I STILL ALIVE?