Since I was equally made by Arab and non-Arab blood, it is only fair to speak of my Circassian roots. Despite the fact that I do not,by custom, follow my mother’s family in name, I am never any less attached to and proud of that lineage.
One of my most intimate childhood memories is of Adiga weddings. I am still in love with the ritualistic celebrations and dances that take place in the “Jagg”. The Jagg is the dance area right infront of the bride and groom’s seating. The men normally stand on the right side and the ladies on the left. It is customary for a “senior” couple to initiate the dancing and,as long as seniors are dancing, the bride and groom remain standing as a sign of respect for the elderly.
I believe the reason why I was so fascinated by Adiga weddings was because I found the stories behind them rather magical. In a conservative Arab society,and by that I mean my own circle the way I saw it at the time, it was new to me that a family could agree upon having a daughter fall publically in love with a man. Not only do Adiga families allow that, they also allow the two lovers to meet at the girl’s parents’ house,and to go out together to picnics and clubs and dances. I was fascinated by that when I was discovering the ways of my families. To my great surprise, I learned later on that the way of my mix of a family was not that different.
To trace matters to their roots, I will narrate how two lovers often meet. It happens usually at wedding parties or dances that a man notices a girl that he somehow likes and tries hard to get the chance to dance with her. Note that most Adiga dances involve only two people, a man and a lady. After the dance the two meet up, should the girl be available and initially attracted to the man in question. Such meetings can take place anywhere,naturally, not only during parties and Jaggs. I am only bringing you an image of the atmosphere at weddings.
There are two ways that Adiga lovers can resort to in order to get married. If the two families accept their love then no problems normally arise. However,if someone in the girl’s family does not accept such an engagement then the time calls for a procedure called “Khteefeh”, which literally means “kidnapping”.
Should the two lovers agree to use Khteefeh as a means to get married, certain steps must be made to ensure that the procedure will take place in harmony with customs. A senior ,well respected member of the man’s family will be informed and the bride to be will be taken to his house accompanied by her chaperon, a senior female member of her family. The groom, from the day his bride to be sets foot in the senior’s house, is prohibited to get in contact with his beloved and is even often prohibited to approach the house. Certain female members of the bride’s family would already have knowledge of the lovers’ decision to use Khteefeh.
I will explain the steps depending on my humble knowledge and on the answers I got for my questions from Adiga relatives. The reason why the bride is hosted at a senior’s house is basically a step taken to honour the girl’s family who refuses the marriage. It is also seen by some as a way in which the bride herself shows respect to her own family, by sending a message that although she is marrying against someone’s will,she is not ignorant of the customs and is not disrespectful of the family’s name. In addition to that, staying at a respectful senior’s house means that no harm could smear the family’s honour. That is precisely why she is also accompanied by a female senior of her own kin and why the groom is not allowed to see her.
There is another custom that I am personally fond of,it is carried at most weddings. Before the bride’s departure from her parents’ or the senior’s house, her female friends and relatives stop the groom’s family at the door. They prevent them from taking the bride away unless they pay what they call “7a2 Banat”,or “The girls’ right”. The groom’s family pays any sum of money required,and that is a different sum of money from that paid to the bride herself prior to the wedding. After proceeding, the male friends and relatives could also stop the groom’s family and take another sum of money called “7a2 shabab”,or “The guys’ right”.
After a short period of time,the wedding takes place. The bride’s father and brothers should not attend since they are often the ones opposing the marriage in case of Khteefeh. During the Jagg, and to make the dance an organised event, two people take charge of the dancers. A woman at the women’s side and a man on the men’s side. These two guide the dancers into the Jagg and when a dancing couple is done dancing, usher another.
Most Adiga weddings would hire a “Pshinawa”, that is a person who plays the “Pshina”. The Pshina being the musical instrument used to play Adiga music. If the Pshinawa is a man he stands by the men’s side, if a woman then by the women’s side. Normally the pieces played at weddings and danced to are Qafa or Zafaqwa, Wedj, and Sheshen which is adopted from the Chechens.
I will be telling you more about the wonderful world of Adiga Xabza, the totality of Adiga traditions and language.
I liked it, it will be gr8 to learn and know more about Adiga..
“The bride’s father and brothers should not attend since they are often the ones opposing the marriage in case of Khteefeh.”
- whoa ….. umm that’s pretty scary isn’t it? I mean going against your family like that … I dunno ….
oh ya and get a page at xanga =P
I’m glad you liked it Mahdy. I will present more information in the future.
Welcome to the box Gandhi and thanks for the comment. It is scary to go against the family,but the beautiful thing about Adiga Xabza is that there is a way to go against the family and still respect the customs. You don’t find that in many cultures.
yea I guess but personally going against your parents is the biggest sin I just don’t agree with it whatsoever … its like hmmmm a big NO, out of the question sort of thing
Amazing! I crave learning people’s customs and history!
Wow, I’ve never knew that Khteefeh is regulated, well, change of plans for me. Though it is more romanitc having your GF riding on the back of ur bike, while her dad and brothers are aiming on you!
QOUTE “It happens usually at wedding parties ”
So true :p
Gandhi, if all people were alike the world would be such a boring place. I respect your point of view and that of others.
Firas,
Now you know that Khteefeh is governed by certain rules. Don’t do anything rash though.
Do Circassians in Jordan still use their own language, and do you speak it?
It just doesn’t seem so right …. You can’t disrespect your family like that!!!
Ziad, as a general rule Circassians have managed to blend in the societies that received them. They have adopted the languages and parts of the customs of those societies.
The case varies concerning Jordanian Circassians, some do speak the language fluently and others don’t. I think it depends on the degree of “merger”.
I personally do not speak the language, I was never taught to. I do, however,know some key concepts and words.
Gandhi, I see where you’re coming from.
“Since I was equally made by Arab and non-Arab blood, it is only fair to speak of my Circassian roots. ”
You are not alone in Jordan.
A genetic study shows that inhabitants of the Levant do not share the same gene pool with inhabitants of Arabia. It seems while we are all Arabs by culture, and damn proud of it, we are not necessirily Arabs by ethnicity.
I guess this is similar to how the American identity was shaped, where you have folks from all over the world melting into one America.
True,anonymous. I think that to judge a certain race to be “pure” is not entirely accurate. Welcome to the box.
Interesting post. The whole subject interests me. I will have to read up more about it. I am an American male married to a Saudi female. We have children and the idea of how they will deal with both the Saudi/Arab society and the western society around me is something i think about.
Great blog by the way, I will visit again!
I am flattered Abu Sinan. I think both parents play a role in orienting their children towards culture and heritage. I hope you tell me more about how that is coming about in your family.
Welcome to my box and thank you for the comment.
are you really adiga or you just a half adiga?
are you really adiga or that you are a half adiga?
Asya, welcome to Tololy’s Box. Your profile says that you are from Kfar Kama, I used to knowa couple of people from that area.
I am not Adiga, and I believe I was, and still am, clear about this lineage and how I feel about it. Thank you for dropping by, jump in any time .
Couldn’t help correcting..
Khateefeh is eloping not kidnapping.
Yet another Adiga,
Welcome to my Box. I thank you for your correction. I did, however, note that the translation I provided for Khteefeh is “literal”. That is, in fact, what the word itself means. It later came to denote eloping, and possibly other meanings.
the adyghe sheshen dance is not adopted by the chechens my friend. the chechens themselves call themselves noxchi. in adyghe language the word sheshen translates as "a horse’s behaviour" so they dance imitating how horses since adyghes are known to respect their horses and carry great pride in them, just like the arabs do.. . if you compare the lezginka which is a chechen dance, you can easily distinguish the difference, in adyghe dances there are rules again (xabza) that must be followed when u dance! this is a common misconception of the adyghe dance!! its worth mentioning that its haynapa (3aib) for married adyghe women to dance in weddings and the bride to dance in her wedding, but ppl dont always stick to xabza.</p>
<p>good luck, i highly appreciate your work.. thank you for telling ppl about our great culture.. </p>
as for the khateefeh it is not a direct translation from adyghebza (adyghe language) it basically means elopment more than khateefeh. it doesnt not translate to khateefeh! but we use it anyways.