After testing my muse for inspiration, I was left with this. Theres more emotion in it than skillful storytelling, that I know, and it needs more work.
She worshipped him and kept it to herself. Now she wonders if she was mistaken to have met him in the first place; her senior of 15 years. The way he treated her made her feel like a perfect blossom of a lady at 18, his attention to details, his saying the most right things at the right time; that was all too much to take into her little heart without infecting it with infatuation.
Meeting him night and day just to hear those sweet, sweet words and to be with him no matter what his moods were was her religion. Listening to his manly voice over the phone for hours on end, trying to change his crooked ways. She was a kid at heart despite all her attempts at pretending she can cope with mature wordplay and despite her attempts at growing up instantly to match his experience.
The chocolate box, the nice little gifts, and his care. She was too young to realize
And she thought he loved her too every time he said shes gorgeous, and when he took her in his arms. At any rate, she thought, this would be something to remember. That she, alone, enchanted the heart of a man at 18. Such testimony of her power!
But then he left as he said he would, the six months ended, and she cried so hard that night. She finally realized she had attached herself to this idol, and she woke her friend up and cried to her on the phone: I love him. But he was gone and there was no bringing him back.
Never did he promise to stay.
Very insightful, and sadly, very true.
Tololy, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Your writing is remarkable, I love this piece, its very well composed, This piece communicates so much meaning, depth and Emotion.
Well done, Keep’em Coming :)
That’s a beautiful post. It somehow reminded me of Sadeem and Firas in Banat Arriyad.
It’s sad that most of the times when we love, it’s not the person but the idea of having someone… someone who sees us across a crowded room, who makes us feel that our existence is not unnoticed, our presence not unappreciated… A reassurance that we matter, that we’re somebody’s everything.
It’s all too beautiful not to be blinding.
And most often, we attach ourselves to this someone until they become our reason to breathe. Our only worth becomes the fact that we’re loved, and it is this love that we now depend on for our happiness, strength, hope and security. We feel that we were always incomplete and now we’re whole.
So when we lose that someone, we lose ourselves too. We’re devastated. We don’t know how to live anymore.
The last line in the story was so Ouch.
Very Very Very TRUE! it’s sad but very true! Great post! Sometimes you try to change for the people you love, but it never works, there will always be the real you no matter how you try to hide behind masks! Be who you are, and he should love you and accept you for the real you! It’s funny how us (girls) even if not promised by anything, we’ll start to build our dream land, our barbie world… that’s why we always end up suffering… we’re just too emotional, it’s uncontrollable!
It is hard when people think with their hart.
Life is about experience, maybe she did get hurt; but isnt that love the only thing worth engaging?
Just few ponderings and side notes to my personal view on the story:
” Now she wonders if she was mistaken to have met him in the first place; “; This attitude i usually hate, why do people tend to get in the ‘repenting’ mode whenever something goes wrong? i think one should never repent his actions! u kno, it might not feel good after its done, but if she really loved those moments she wuz with him, would she prefer not to get there at all?
” Never did he promise to stay. “; I’m usually against promises made in relationships, so guess the guy was decent enough not to make any!! The story didnt show his point of view of the story, but its not evident that he loved her, and neither its clear that he didnt! But maybe - and only maybe - if they had a little more transperency in the on-going of the relation that might have saved some tragedy…
Really inspiring story… Nice work Tololy :D
Devil’s Mind- “Why do people tend to get in the repenting mode whenever something goes wrong?” Most often they get into it when something goes “right” as well. When something’s too good to be true and too much to handle. It’s sad that we think ourselves unworthy of what comes our way.
being so young can cost you so much.
Glad you enjoyed the little tale, I should work on it still. I value your feedback, all, keep the precious remarks coming please :)
Tololy, this was really well done. Sadly, it was my life when I was a teen, and took many years to get over. Tragic that men of that age are just using teen girls like toys. Even when there is that gap in marriage, it is difficult to bridge as the man is always the superior partner. But I think that is how some like it.
Then just as the woman hits her full stride at 40 (hang in there, life really does begin at 40!) her husband is in decline and the balance of relationship is off. And he, threatened by her strength, takes another young thing he can rule.
piece of art :) LOVE it
Very nice and touching .. I enjoyed it a lot
Well done!