There really is no way around it. Some times you just have to choose something and let something else go. It’s precisely like Pirandello said “Ogni scelta è una morte” - Each choice is a death,and very much unlike Queen’s “I want it all and I want it now”. It just doesn’t function like that, Queen.

Lately I had to make a decision that should alter my priorities and my lifestyle for some time but before I finally made up my mind about it I just wandered for two hours, not doing anything, just walking, thinking (while trying desperately not to) and hoping some miracle would deliver me. Divine intervention, that’s what I needed to have someone right then and there making my mind up for me.

But providence did not reveal itself to me at that time, and there came no man with a long white beard to tell me “This choice is better than the other, O Tololy. Go for it”.

It was a living nightmare, nowhere as romantic and polished as I make it sound now. I sat on benches, got up, walked a bit, and sat down again. I closed my eyes, opened them, held my head in my hands, stretched back and forth, walked again, shuffled my papers, wrote things down in a notebook, put pros and cons and tried to balance matters out. By the end of that I was mentally drained, physically tired and the sun did not help.

This? Or that? But maybe this is better. No it’s not. But it could be, right? And that other thing is good too. What do I choose? Why is this so hard?

Three little yellow-and-orange fat cats and one blue elephant greet me each morning when I come to the office. I tell you the truth, they are my “support squad” and I don’t know what I could have done without them.

Then there’s my monitor, he’s taken to blinking lately. He’s always adorned with multitudes of small sticky notes and just recently I added two yellow face stickers to him: one is wearing shades and smiling and the other is somewhat upset.

She said she was troubled when she logged on in the morning and found no entries. It made me smile.