There has never been a time, in my life, where I have seen and felt such large-scale depression in the nation (Nation translates to Ummah, run - paranoid- run!).
People seem to be walking about aimlessly with no purpose you can feel that guides them. They are awake, but not awake - it’s almost like being sedated and having your body occupied by someone other than yourself. You seem alive when you are, in reality, not.
The sadness that I feel in my heart and in my family’s hearts is engulfing us all in utter darkness. I cannot seem to be able to smile and mean it, I cannot seem to be able to savour what little food I eat these days (no appetite), and I cannot dismiss the picture of the dead bodies of the Lebanese girls pulled out from under the rubble of the building that Israel shelled in Qana. I try to imagine how it must feel like to carry my own child in my arms when her little chest does not heave anymore, when her bloody mouth is open, when I cannot push her stretched stiff arm to the sides of her body - and I am on the verge of losing my sanity.
Qana is a reminder that Israel is capable of cold blooded murder beyond human imagination, beyond international laws, and beyond us all. The “It was an error” and the “Terrorists were hiding in that place” and the “We are deeply saddened by the loss of innocent lives” clichés are old, they’re so old, Israel. You cannot sell us that any longer. The world and history will tell of the numerous daily murders in Palestine and Lebanon.
Now Israel says that it is not in a hurry to stop this war (Fools you are if you expected anything else from an apartheid state), and now is the time where the emotional build-up on both sides of the conflict will dominate the scene. It’s prelude to greater crises, it is prelude to the tipping point - when the people behind their TV sets cannot take it a second more, where chaos will have the upper hand. You only reap what you sow.
My own life has changed dramatically since the start of this war. Other than my appetite loss and being haunted by pictures of dead Lebanese civilians slaughtered by terror, I am unable to sleep at night properly. I wake up in the morning with a headache, a terrible mood, and I occasionally cry during the day. I may be losing my focus, too. I have noticed that I cannot function as I used to before the Israeli aggression war and often times I have to ask people to repeat what they said because I was not paying attention to what they were saying.
Do you understand what it means to see suffering and killing daily and block your feelings? As I said to a very good friend of mine some days ago, I cannot afford to feel the pain every time I watch people die next door. It would cost me my mind - I am the type of person that identifies with others’ pain physically. This means my imagination relates to what injury I see and I feel it as if I was hurt in the same fashion. That, my friends, - that sort of feeling could have robbed me of my sanity a long time ago had I not blocked it.
But to block it is another problem. I cannot block it totally because I am not made of stone, I feel what my people in Lebanon are feeling and I see what my people in Palestine are going through every day of their lives since the arrival of the early Israeli immigrants to Palestine. I grew up with this - war has always been a theme in my life and in my family’s life. Not feeling anything about it would render me inhuman.
To block your feelings partially creates the conflict between sympathy and self-preservation. You start asking yourself such questions as ” My people are being killed, and I don’t feel their pain. What am I made of?”. You live in torment knowing that, so close to home - way too close to home, people just like you ( a girl just like me) is living in complete injustice while the world watches and gives killers more time to complete their crime.
My family has been showered by blessings lately on so many different levels, but we are numb to all pleasure it seems. The continuous killing of Lebanese civilians has robbed us of any joy we are entitled to taste. I have mixed feelings about this, am I being ungrateful to what I am being blessed with? Then again, how can I enjoy holding a newborn baby in my arms when just the day before I saw the corpse of a Lebanese newborn held up high in a man’s arm announcing that this perfect innocence has lost a father, a mother, then himself?
When has this happened, where has it happened, and gone unpublicized but in Lebanon? Has human life turned so cheap?
There is no justice in this world - I’ll give you that. What is going on alone should make us all consider if we are any different from monsters and if, indeed, we need a sequel for this life. I believe we do, those criminals cannot go unpunished. The day will come when justice shall be established - in this life or the next. Chew on that.
Your post is so valuable on many levels. It really helps to explain to those who do see Arabs/Muslims as unfeeling with regards to what is happening in the Arab world. Its not a question of not feeling the pain–its a matter of surviving so that one day we may be of service to them. If we go crazy with grief, and we surely can, it helps nobody. Does that make sense? You cannot eliminate the guilt that comes with going about your life <i>as though nothing is happening,</i> but we can give thanks to Allah for allowing us to appreciate a relative sense of peace, and pray to Allah to give us the strength and will to help those in suffering. <br />And for sure, no injustice goes unpunished, and no oppression lasts forever. <br />Thanks for the wonderful post once again.
<span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">John Bolton</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>United States’ ambassador to the United Nations says that a one died Lebanese is not equal a wounded Israeli!!!<br /><br />"I think it’s important that we not fall into the trap of moral equivalency here," Ambassador John Bolton told CNN’s "Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer."<br /><br />"What Hezbollah has done is kidnap Israeli soldiers and rain rockets and mortar shells on innocent Israeli civilians. What Israel has done in response is act in self-defense. And I don’t quite know what the argument about proportionate force means here. Is Israel entitled only to kidnap two Hezbollah operatives and fire a couple of rockets aimlessly into Lebanon?"<br /><br />"The situation is that Israel has lived under the terrorist threat of Hezbollah for years, and these most recent attacks have given it the legitimate right, the same right America would have if we were attacked, to deal with the problem. And that’s what they’re doing."<br /><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">You know, if they’re chasing Hezbollah, you go for Hezbollah. You don’t go for the entire Lebanese nation, and that’s the difference.</span><br /></div>
<p align="center" style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">Holy Quran, Chapter 17<br />Al-Isra (Isra’, The Night
Journey, Children Of <st1:country-region _moz-userdefined="" w:st="on"><st1:place _moz-userdefined="" w:st="on">Israel</st1:place></st1:country-region>)<o:p _moz-userdefined="" /></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: "Trebuchet MS";"><o:p _moz-userdefined=""> </o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: "Trebuchet MS";">“And
We had made known to the children of Israel in the Book: Most certainly you
will make mischief in the land twice, and most certainly you will behave insolently
with great insolence (4) So when the promise for the first of the two came, We
sent over you Our servants, of mighty prowess, so they went to and fro among
the houses, and it was a promise to be accomplished (5) Then We gave you back
the turn to prevail against them, and aided you with wealth and children and
made you a numerous band (6) If you do good, you will do good for your own
souls, and if you do evil, it shall be for them. So when the second promise
came (We raised another people) that they may bring you to grief and that they
may enter the mosque as they entered it the first time, and that they might
destroy whatever they gained ascendancy over with utter destruction (7) It may
be that your Lord will have mercy on you, and if you again return (to
disobedience) We too will return (to punishment), and We have made hell a
prison for the unbelievers (8)”<o:p _moz-userdefined="" /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: "Trebuchet MS";"><o:p _moz-userdefined=""> </o:p>In
Arabic:<o:p _moz-userdefined="" /></span></p>
<p style="text-align: right; direction: rtl; unicode-bidi: embed;" dir="rtl" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p _moz-userdefined=""> </o:p></span><span dir="rtl" /><span dir="rtl" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;"><span dir="rtl" /><span dir="rtl" />"وَقَضَيْنَا
إِلَى بَنِي إسْرائِيلَ فِي الْكِتَابِ لَتُفْسِدُنَّ</span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /> </span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">فِي الأَرْضِ
مَرَّتَيْنِ وَلَتَعْلُنَّ عُلُوًّا كَبِيرًا(4)فَإِذَا جَاءَ وَعْدُ</span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /> </span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">أُولاهُمَا بَعَثْنَا عَلَيْكُمْ عِبَادًا لَنَا أُولِي
بَأْسٍ شَدِيدٍ فَجَاسُوا</span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /></span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">خِلالَ الدِّيَارِ وَكَانَ
وَعْدًا مَفْعُولاً(5)ثُمَّ رَدَدْنَا لَكُمْ</span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /> </span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">الْكَرَّةَ
عَلَيْهِمْ وَأَمْدَدْنَاكُمْ بِأَمْوَالٍ وَبَنِينَ وَجَعَلْنَاكُمْ</span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /> </span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">أَكْثَرَ نَفِيرًا(6)إِنْ أَحْسَنتُمْ أَحْسَنتُمْ
لأَنفُسِكُمْ وَإِنْ أَسَأْتُمْ</span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /></span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">فَلَهَا فَإِذَا جَاءَ وَعْدُ
الآخِرَةِ لِيَسُئوا وُجُوهَكُمْ وَلِيَدْخُلُوا</span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /> </span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">الْمَسْجِدَ
كَمَا دَخَلُوهُ أَوَّلَ مَرَّةٍ وَلِيُتَبِّرُوا مَا عَلَوْا</span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /> </span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">تَتْبِيرًا(7)عَسَى رَبُّكُمْ أَنْ يَرْحَمَكُمْ وَإِنْ
عُدْتُمْ عُدْنَا</span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /></span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">وَجَعَلْنَا جَهَنَّمَ
لِلْكَافِرِينَ حَصِيرًا(8)"<o:p _moz-userdefined="" /></span></p>
<p style="text-align: right; direction: rtl; unicode-bidi: embed;" dir="rtl" class="MsoNormal"><b><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">قال</span></b><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><b><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /> </span></b><b><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">المفسرون</span></b><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" />:</span><span dir="rtl" /><span dir="rtl" /><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span dir="rtl" /><span dir="rtl" /> <span lang="en">إن بني إسرائيل لما استحلوا المحارم وسفكوا الدماء سلَّط الله عليهم</span></span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /> </span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">بُخْتنَصَّر ملك بابل فقتل منهم سبعين ألفاً حتى كاد
يفنيهم هو وجنوده، وذلك أول</span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /></span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;">الفسادين</span><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" /><span style="font-size: 14pt;" dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr" /><span dir="ltr" />.</span><span dir="rtl" /><span dir="rtl" /><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;"><span dir="rtl" /><span dir="rtl" />
وأما الثاني سيكون على أيدي المسلمين، ولم يحصل بعد.</span><span lang="en" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p _moz-userdefined="" /></span></p>
Tololy, I join you in that mourning. I wish I was in Jordan now, as you can imagine most Americans I am around just don’t get it. It’s hardest in Sundays at church because Christian friends REALLY don’t get it…but the good news is people always ask our opinion and we always give the other side of the story. It’s satisfying to see the light go ‘on’…but life is going on for most folks here and their greatest concern is that we are going back to teh region. Hope to see you in a month
<p>I was struck by your post.</p>
<p>I have no understanding of an Ummah and how it affects your view of the world. It must be tremendously horrific to be so close to such carnage. I hope you and your family are safe. </p>
<p></p>
<p>It was difficult writing this post, thank you everyone for your support. I appreciate it.</p>
<p>Dusty, welcome back. "Ummah" is an Arabic word that simply means "Nation". Some people fear the word when it is used by Arabs, I am not sure why since most of us do consider all Arabs brothers and one nation. I thank you for your familiar kindness, and I still remember your thoughtfulness last November. There are still good people out there, thank you for restoring bits of my faith.</p>
[...] Around the same time last year I was sinking in a state of deep depression because of the July War between Israel and Lebanon. It was one of the darkest periods of my life. I was also juggling two jobs, one I was not the least bit interested in and the other I hated with all my heart. It was pure hell. [...]