Comments on: Younger Is Better: Early Marriages in Jordan

By: A.Rehman

A.Rehman — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:58:48 +0000

In the West there are relatively less underage marriages than say in Jordan for the simple reason the girl or her parents don’t deem it urgent to get her married because she can co-habit and bring few children too before she decide to marry her partner or move on to other partmer or choose to live as single Mom, society frown on that but that is about the only reaction. Western govts. have realized this huge problem and how it affects raising children and actually pay the girl money to stay home and raise the kids on top of other child support benifits. To conclude ,underage marriages may be less but babies of underage girls are astronomical when compared to number of babies born to underage mothers in Jordan and talking size for size here. No one may misunderstand that I mean underage marriages that happen in Jordan and for that matter in the West are because girls got pregnant. Personally I don’t condone underage marriages except if the groom is also around 18 too and after trying to convice them both to wait few years more. Having said that my mother and all her 10 sisters married at or below 17 and had plenty children to make a tribe all healthy ,educated and the mothers are well and alive and kicking till today raising grandkids and grand grandkids except one who died young at age 62 of cancer.

By: Think and Reflect

Think and Reflect — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 19:58:49 +0000

Whoever wrote this article is clearly more concerned with
health bills, urbanisation, and potential population problems than with the
moral well-being of a society.

I wonder if the author would write a equally damning page if instead of girls
getting married early, they were struggling with child pregnancies where the
father is not known, as we have in the West.

A early marriage is better than a early abortion, it is better than a pregnant
girl who has to bring up a illegitimate baby while struggling on her own.

With regards to population, in my own experience i have found that
large households (7-10 people) are actually much more productive than
smaller ones, and although initially it is a challenge and a struggle
to feed all thouse mouths, it is a pleasure provided you bring them up
correctly that your children become your guardians.

Islam gives us a beautiful way of life, if only we follow it and look
past our individual greeds and desires we can have the best of life and
the best of the hereafter.

Peace.

By: The Observer

The Observer — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 08:46:50 +0000

Tololy, that is an excellent post of yours and a topic that really needs to be addressed.

It didnt come of nowhere that modern societies are raising the age bar for marriage. It requires no brainer to realize the risks of marrying an underage person, if not for physical immaturity then for mental immaturity. We should also bear in mind that some people’s bodies mature late, that is why 18 is the appropriate age to consider someone an adolescence.

I guess that if a sheikh objects on a certain marriage because of the girl’s age, another one would just dismiss it with some extra money. I am not saying that all sheikh’s are corrupted, but you can always find someone who is. Our low should cover such cases and prevent it from happening.

By: Tololy

Tololy — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 23:13:01 +0000

Not at all, Qwaider & Craig. I love it when people talk through my blog, and your discussion was very relevant.

By: Craig

Craig — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 23:08:53 +0000

Tololy (really sorry for hijacking your blog)

Me too :)

By: Qwaider قويدر

Qwaider قويدر — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 21:20:52 +0000

Tololy (really sorry for hijacking your blog)

By: Qwaider قويدر

Qwaider قويدر — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 21:20:22 +0000

sorry, that typo ruined it. I meant to say,

However, there’s a difference in the way marriage is happening. You see, in the US teen marriages happen for love, while in the eastern world it’s mostly for, everything else. Love -may- come after marriage

I was able to find statistics for teen pregnancies that indicate the national average to be 5.7% some places and 8.x% some where else. But it’s documented that in Washington DC area, it’s 12.8% that’s a lot of teen pregnancies. Now what does this have to do with the whole matter? This 12.8 are all unplanned! Which means the planned ones are at worst the same. Maybe a little less. In other words, teen marriages in the US are alive and well

Surprisingly in Utah, the rate is 5.0 which is mainly due to many people promoting young marriage there. So the average number of -unplanned- teen pregnancies dropped considerably

My parents married at 31/24 and that was half a century ago, it was their first marriage and had no kids before that. But they were both keen on pursuing their degrees/goals before they venture into marriage. All three sisters that I have married older than the age of 24, and only after having their degrees and working. But it’s quite clear that the average age for marriage has gone up a lot. Not because people are having fun and games back in Jordan, but because the cost of living skyrocketed and the unfair system of marriage in Jordan forces the males to proved everything prior to committing to marriage. (And everything means EVERYTHING other than the female’s body!) And before someone thinks I’m being sexist here, I have to remind them that in addition to all the stuff the marriage consists of, it also consists of two people and these two people have bodies and they are requirements for marriage!

Anyway, the rates in the US don’t affect the rates in Jordan and having this happen one place doesn’t justify it happening anywhere else.

By: Craig

Craig — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 20:54:43 +0000

Also, Qwaidar, I think it might be useful to look at the entire population of American women and the age they got married, and the reasons for it, if you really want to get into the social factors for teen marraiges in the US. I don’t know if such stats are available (though they probably are) but I wasn’t just talking about teenagers as of today in my comments.

By: Craig

Craig — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 20:44:22 +0000

Hi Qwaidar,

Craig, I was researching all of this stuff this morning, allow m to share my findings. Please feel free to double check them.

I’ll treat everything you say as statistical fact, because I don’t have time this morning to do my own research :)

It used to be 50% of all underage marriages are due to teen
pregnancies like 30 years ago. However, that number has dropped to 16%.
Which makes the whole majority of 84% fall under regular marriage.

I think there are some factors you aren’t taking into consideration. Abortion was illegal unil…1974 wasn’t it? And it was socially unacceptable for many years, even after it was legalized. It wasn’t until the late 1980s that abortion became what amounts to a form of "birth control". Teenage pregnancy isn’t the issue it used to be. Teenage marriages are much rarer than they used to be, as a result. So while your stats may be correct, you are also looking at an extremely small and unrepresentative sampling of the US population.

The average age that people marry in teh US has been creeping upwards for decades. My mother was 20 years old when I was born, and I was her second child. My Father was 22 at the time. I was 30 years old when I got married, and my wife was 32. The age that my parents married was about average for their generation, and the age I married was about average for mine. For biological reasons I don’t think the average age of newlyweds will creep up much higher, but if it was possible/practical for Americans to start families later in life, I think they would. That seems to b our preference.

However, there’s a difference in the way marriage is happening. You
see, in the US teen marriages happen for love, while in the western
world it’s mostly for, everything else. Love -may- come after marriage

I didn’t really follow that. Can you restate it a different way?

By: Qwaider قويدر

Qwaider قويدر — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 20:05:59 +0000

Craig, I was researching all of this stuff this morning, allow m to share my findings. Please feel free to double check them.

It used to be 50% of all underage marriages are due to teen pregnancies like 30 years ago. However, that number has dropped to 16%. Which makes the whole majority of 84% fall under regular marriage.

However, there’s a difference in the way marriage is happening. You see, in the US teen marriages happen for love, while in the western world it’s mostly for, everything else. Love -may- come after marriage

It seems tololy stopped answering, which is an indication that she’s upset with the whole argument. For that I apologize, I didn’t mean to upset you tololy, but I do want to point out that you are blaming it on men and judges. While the issue is more like an epidemic at the social level, and not necessarily male only

Sorry if I annoyed you