Tololy’s Box » Blog Archive » Solution Violence

For the past two days I have been reflecting on an aspect of my character which I have never taken seriously before. There have been some incidents in my life during the past three years, like being stalked online or having my computer sabotaged, that have angered me to such a degree that I considered punishing the people behind them using physical force.

I don’t believe in violence as a solution to any problem. For the most part, I don’t believe much can be done to solve 99% of the problems I face. When I do think of a solution, it is often communication. This is why I am always surprised when I think of a solution to a problem along the lines of “I will send a group of guys to break this person’s face.”

What surprises me the most is that I think of myself as an intelligent person who does not adhere to the “tribal violence” mentality that I see prevalent in my society. If so, I ask myself, why do I even consider beating a person up as a means to teach them a lesson or perhaps get them off my case? For example, if my online stalker is put in the hospital after having his jaw broken at my command, would that really keep him from stalking me? I know it would make me feel better. Is that wrong?

I guess any such action would solve the problem to a degree, but not entirely. I have never resorted to violence to the extent I mentioned above, but I have considered it seriously as a solution to a number of problems. Does that make me a violent person or simply a person at loss for a solution?

What do you think?

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 26th, 2008 at 12:51 pm and is filed under Salon. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

sk8erboi says:
February 26th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Everyone feels like breaking someone’s face every now and then, that doesn’t make you violent, nor at loss of a solution, it only makes you human. That’s of course IMHO.
There are cases of course where "breaking someone’s face" is the only answer, if I had an online stalker, I’d probably want to break his face also, or at least make his life as miserable as possible.
A.Rehman says:
February 26th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
When you resort to violence you are not at loss for "a solution" you are at loss for a better solution. Violence begets violence, you break somebody’s  face (extreme violence as you are thinking erasing someone’s identity as the face is the main identifying feature of a person), and somebody may break more than your face.  I find it remarkable  that you said "I will send a group of guys to break this person’s face.” A sexist remark? You think the stalker is a man, if you think it was a woman may be you would think you can do the breaking yourelf. Having said that, in the tribal society you describe, I would not contribute to make it a success and the norm. What happens to the rule of law, why it does not occur to you seek justice through law enforcement? Now the other terrifying thing that come across is that you know who is yr stalker or whatever and sending him a not so veiled a threat which may qualify you as a violent person if you have not exhausted other better options.
Abdullah says:
February 26th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I agree with sk8erboi, it is part of our humanity to feel (sometimes) like breaking someone’s face, it’s natural and probably we wont do it but to be frank in fact we do wish we have the courage/strength to break someone’s face ourselves.
Loss for a solution, lack of wisdom or experience, rashness or whatever you can name it doesn’t matter, it exists but the important thing is that we should know how to control that, at the end (laisa Al shaded bel sar3a)
Qwaider قويدر says:
February 26th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I think, no I believe that you will figure it out. You have a lot of violence inside you. It shows, it pops up from time to time. But that doesn’t mean we have to act upon our impulses. We learn to keep them in check .. 
Quick question, "how" do you know someone is stalking you online? Can I convince you to write a post about that to help other ladies? (As you know I’m a privacy advocate. Online stalking is a violation of one’s privacy…etc). Please, consider it. Many would appreciate it.
Craig says:
February 27th, 2008 at 2:17 am
Hi Tololy, I have never resorted to violence to the extent I mentioned above, but
I have considered it seriously as a solution to a number of problems.
Does that make me a violent person or simply a person at loss for a
solution? In my opinion, there is no non-violent solution to threatening or criminal behavior, Tololy. Both of the scenarios you described fall into that category. As far as I’m concerned, situations like that give people the following options: a) handle it yourself (violence and or threats of violence) b) pursue a legal remedy (notoriously ineffective with stalkers) c) ignore the problem and hope the perpetrator will "go away" or d) get other people involved and try to exert peer pressure on the individual (almost sure to fail) There is no good way to handle a malicious person, Tololy. And your anger and frustration doens’t make you a bad person, yourself.
A.Rehman says:
February 27th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Craig in no Ghandi and is unlikely to be nominated for a Nobel peace prize. as a mere opinion ignites a violent reaction from his side as you note from his quotes below–
Craig says, quote <<<Christianity doesn’t have any position on Islam. It didn’t even exist when Christian scripture was written. So, why don’t you shut the hell up, "Ahriman"? ""
In my opinion, there is no non-violent solution to threatening or criminal behavior>>> unquote.
Thousands of stalkers have been dealt with through the justice systems, many are will publicised cases involving the film industry personalities and others.Some cases may end in aquital or no conviction but that is the univesal civilized justice system at work,we can not all be vigilantes and take the law into our own hands and go through life bashing-in faces.
Tololy says:
February 27th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
With all due respect to the commentators who condemned violence as a solution and thought "the law" should be employed, I find that too idealistic. In Jordan, cyberstalking is not governed by any laws that I know of. Therefore, the advice of resorting to legal measures to solve any such problems is unfortunately void. Even if there was a law, I doubt it would be enforced or treated seriously by law enforcement UNLESS you have a wasta. I am not an advocate of violence, and I am not usually a violent person (wink Qwaider), but I will say that I have been pushed to the limits of my patience and I have been angered to a degree that forced me to consider violence as a solution. Like I said, these ideas never materialized, but they have crossed my mind. This is what surprises me. I only wished to express my surprise at my own ideas at times.
A.Rehman says:
February 27th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Iam sure u did not want to act your thoughts and thoughts ,well, spring on us , and then reason prevail mostly. While Jordan may not have cyperstalking as a crime they do have harrassment laws which apply to direct contact or phone or in this case internet and you don’t need wasta to file a complaint and then take it from there. Then there are women organizations too who can lend support if really needed. Internet service provider can help by blocking certain IP address from sending into your e-mail and you may be able to block a site or a particular e-mail address. by adding them to unsafe sites in privacy or security taps or by using e-mail blocking and anti -spam features depending on your prowser and e-mail handler.
Qwaider قويدر says:
February 29th, 2008 at 1:26 am
Fair enough, but what about the post I requested. Would you be so kind and write about it? You will help many many ladies who might not even be aware they’re being stalked and I personally think it’s a very important topic. Will you, please?
Faisal says:
October 1st, 2008 at 1:49 pm
I myself have been pushed to consider the use of force after going through much racial discrimination here in the USA. The justice system here is very corrupt. What stops me are the thoughts of consequences, such as imprisonment. Muslims here are discriminated against constantly and the law is never helps them. The justice system is always on the side of the non muslims.

sk8erboi says:
February 26th, 2008 at 1:31 pm

Everyone feels like breaking someone’s face every now and then, that doesn’t make you violent, nor at loss of a solution, it only makes you human. That’s of course IMHO.
There are cases of course where "breaking someone’s face" is the only answer, if I had an online stalker, I’d probably want to break his face also, or at least make his life as miserable as possible.

A.Rehman says:
February 26th, 2008 at 2:44 pm

When you resort to violence you are not at loss for "a solution" you are at loss for a better solution. Violence begets violence, you break somebody’s  face (extreme violence as you are thinking erasing someone’s identity as the face is the main identifying feature of a person), and somebody may break more than your face.  I find it remarkable  that you said "I will send a group of guys to break this person’s face.” A sexist remark? You think the stalker is a man, if you think it was a woman may be you would think you can do the breaking yourelf. Having said that, in the tribal society you describe, I would not contribute to make it a success and the norm. What happens to the rule of law, why it does not occur to you seek justice through law enforcement? Now the other terrifying thing that come across is that you know who is yr stalker or whatever and sending him a not so veiled a threat which may qualify you as a violent person if you have not exhausted other better options.

Abdullah says:
February 26th, 2008 at 3:33 pm

I agree with sk8erboi, it is part of our humanity to feel (sometimes) like breaking someone’s face, it’s natural and probably we wont do it but to be frank in fact we do wish we have the courage/strength to break someone’s face ourselves.
Loss for a solution, lack of wisdom or experience, rashness or whatever you can name it doesn’t matter, it exists but the important thing is that we should know how to control that, at the end (laisa Al shaded bel sar3a)

Qwaider قويدر says:
February 26th, 2008 at 7:08 pm

I think, no I believe that you will figure it out. You have a lot of violence inside you. It shows, it pops up from time to time. But that doesn’t mean we have to act upon our impulses. We learn to keep them in check .. 
Quick question, "how" do you know someone is stalking you online? Can I convince you to write a post about that to help other ladies? (As you know I’m a privacy advocate. Online stalking is a violation of one’s privacy…etc). Please, consider it. Many would appreciate it.

Craig says:
February 27th, 2008 at 2:17 am

Hi Tololy, I have never resorted to violence to the extent I mentioned above, but
I have considered it seriously as a solution to a number of problems.
Does that make me a violent person or simply a person at loss for a
solution? In my opinion, there is no non-violent solution to threatening or criminal behavior, Tololy. Both of the scenarios you described fall into that category. As far as I’m concerned, situations like that give people the following options: a) handle it yourself (violence and or threats of violence) b) pursue a legal remedy (notoriously ineffective with stalkers) c) ignore the problem and hope the perpetrator will "go away" or d) get other people involved and try to exert peer pressure on the individual (almost sure to fail) There is no good way to handle a malicious person, Tololy. And your anger and frustration doens’t make you a bad person, yourself.

A.Rehman says:
February 27th, 2008 at 2:38 pm

Craig in no Ghandi and is unlikely to be nominated for a Nobel peace prize. as a mere opinion ignites a violent reaction from his side as you note from his quotes below–
Craig says, quote <<<Christianity doesn’t have any position on Islam. It didn’t even exist when Christian scripture was written. So, why don’t you shut the hell up, "Ahriman"? ""
In my opinion, there is no non-violent solution to threatening or criminal behavior>>> unquote.
Thousands of stalkers have been dealt with through the justice systems, many are will publicised cases involving the film industry personalities and others.Some cases may end in aquital or no conviction but that is the univesal civilized justice system at work,we can not all be vigilantes and take the law into our own hands and go through life bashing-in faces.

Tololy says:
February 27th, 2008 at 10:28 pm

With all due respect to the commentators who condemned violence as a solution and thought "the law" should be employed, I find that too idealistic. In Jordan, cyberstalking is not governed by any laws that I know of. Therefore, the advice of resorting to legal measures to solve any such problems is unfortunately void. Even if there was a law, I doubt it would be enforced or treated seriously by law enforcement UNLESS you have a wasta. I am not an advocate of violence, and I am not usually a violent person (wink Qwaider), but I will say that I have been pushed to the limits of my patience and I have been angered to a degree that forced me to consider violence as a solution. Like I said, these ideas never materialized, but they have crossed my mind. This is what surprises me. I only wished to express my surprise at my own ideas at times.

A.Rehman says:
February 27th, 2008 at 11:57 pm

Iam sure u did not want to act your thoughts and thoughts ,well, spring on us , and then reason prevail mostly. While Jordan may not have cyperstalking as a crime they do have harrassment laws which apply to direct contact or phone or in this case internet and you don’t need wasta to file a complaint and then take it from there. Then there are women organizations too who can lend support if really needed. Internet service provider can help by blocking certain IP address from sending into your e-mail and you may be able to block a site or a particular e-mail address. by adding them to unsafe sites in privacy or security taps or by using e-mail blocking and anti -spam features depending on your prowser and e-mail handler.

Qwaider قويدر says:
February 29th, 2008 at 1:26 am

Fair enough, but what about the post I requested. Would you be so kind and write about it? You will help many many ladies who might not even be aware they’re being stalked and I personally think it’s a very important topic. Will you, please?

Faisal says:
October 1st, 2008 at 1:49 pm

I myself have been pushed to consider the use of force after going through much racial discrimination here in the USA. The justice system here is very corrupt. What stops me are the thoughts of consequences, such as imprisonment. Muslims here are discriminated against constantly and the law is never helps them. The justice system is always on the side of the non muslims.

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