Since I put myself up for adoption ten days ago, I received several offers and several emails concerning my Beddi Wasta post. Honestly, I was surprised I did not get anything of a suggestive Daddy nature, but what do you know, people can still surprise me after all. So as promised, I will publish some of the offers I got and I will comment on each one of them.

A thinks that I don’t really have to put myself up for adoption, and that a site called Qiran is a good place to advertise to change my family name.

I think: Hmmm…I’m never changing my family name.

Vincent sends the best offer EVER:

I’ve never wasted my wasta. My wasta value is, therefore, beyond counting.
Beyond numbers. Beyond mere human comprehension.

The benefits of my wasta include:

-Flight.
-Super strength.
-Adamantium claws.
-X-ray vision.
-Mind control.
-Fabulous riches.
-Good looks.
-Keen wit.
-Space station.
-And more!

I think: You’re definitely a candidate.

Kinzi sends me another great, yet realistic, offer. “We have ‘Jones’ wasta, fly under much radar as we ignorantly by-pass ‘the rules’, and get the ‘American pass’ with regularity. Plus a platinum American Express card and a place on our Lufthansa frequent flier family package. I would have to say no to corset piercing, tho.”

I think: You’re fantastic! I will consider your offer seriously, but I just don’t know about the corset piercing. How about a tattoo? Is that OK? Please say yes?

Firas suggests I go for Angelina Jolie. He says that she’s my best shot adoption wise and wasta wise in Jordan.

I think: Very smart, but she’d probably swallow me if she gives me a mommy kiss. Besides, if Brad Pitt is going to be my foster father, I think we will be a very dysfunctional family, ehem.

Madas gives me solid advice on how to get by in Jordan. She says her secret is being herself and that’s all she needs to get wherever she wants.

I think: You’re probably a lot more charming and sociable than I am, Madas. I’m mean to people, not very popular. That’s why I need wasta. More power to you though! Girl power!

Anonymous thinks that I just don’t get it, and that I “need a wasta to get a good wasta.”

I think: Right on. I need another wasta, any volunteers? anyone?

Abdullah wants to be my foster brother if I find someone with wasta to adopt me.

I think: Dude, do your own wasta adoption process! I did all the hard work, complaining, begging, etc. Jeez.

And finally, a number of people sent me emails and they noted how nobody commented on that post. Their theory is that because I asked people for a favor, they freaked out and did not comment. Well, the thing is, I disabled comments after 12 hours of publishing that post because everyone was sending me offers and comments through the contact form I published. So it’s all good.

Since I remain undecided and greedy, I want to say that I am still up for adoption and I am being completely serious. I bet if I post a picture of the stuff in the hot pink paper I’d get loads of offers involving incest and other ewness, but I am not going to. I want you to want to adopt me for me, for who I am, but YOU have to be somebody with wasta. Otherwise, I am not playing.

There. I’m still up for grabs — virtually speaking.

Another one of my quirky posts sharing unnecessary but possibly life-changing knowledge. You’ll thank me for this later.

Foamy is a grey squirrel that rants and raves and swears and makes me laugh every time I watch him. I love him and I want to marry him one day. He is the star of Neurotically Yours series by iLL WiLL PreSS. He is owned by a Goth Punk girl named Germaine.

I always watch Foamy ranting and raving whenever I am down, you’re gonna love him too:

ROFLING.

You can watch Foamy either on the official iLL WiLL PreSS site or over at YouTube.

That squirrel’s got some attitude.

Last night at around 9 PM, I got an SMS from my best friend Mai who’s now in Kuwait with her husband. She told me in all-capital letters: I AM PREGNANT!

We have been together since 7th grade. We’re the same age. We know each other better than sisters.

During college years, we used to hang out every single day, gossiping about the guys she went out with and the guys I went out with. I’d often advise her to dump hers and she would advise me to dump mine. We were kewl like that.

She was always the friendly one, I was the bitchy one.

She always laughed at my dirty jokes, and we always had grilled turkey sandwiches and pepsi every day.

She always covered my tracks, and saved my butt.

We got our ears pierced together. She got two new holes that day, I got six. A year later, she went again with me but did not get pierced again.

We did things I can’t list here because they will damage both our reputations. But they were loads of fun and I would do them again with her any day.

We wrote our names in the fresh concrete of a pavement on campus. They’re still there today.

We went shopping for belly dance costumes down town once. The shop owner hit on us in an icky way.

I couldn’t even blog before and after she got married. I was so lonely.

I had the best times of my life with her, and I love her very much.

And now she’s having a baby!

We celebrated Egypt’s African Cup today at the office because we have an Egyptian colleague named Saeed. He’s such a sweet man and he was so very happy today that he even got us knafeh! He was like the king on the first day of Eid, receiving hearty congrats from everyone, in person or on the phone.

I just remembered that the Egyptian sports commentator who was talking during the whole of last night’s game really brought it to a new different level. He was so funny with his unintentional cute Egyptian humor that the game was twice as fun.

بص أبو تريكة ابتسامته عاملة إزاي
أبو تريكة رجله كلها حركة
الكورة دي مش عاوزة تيجي خلاص

That really brought the game to life. Gold!

Al Rai has graced its e-pages with a fascinating mix of science,90’s Jordanian culture, sexism, and mere retardedness courtesy of a certain Rania Tadrus.

Tadrus has sort of put together an article about smoking women in Jordan and how they are no longer embarrassed by the fact that they smoke, how they smoke in public and how they flaunt this once-taboo behavior with complete freedom.

So far so good. But then the article proceeds to quoting the most ridiculous statements such as these:

وتوضح ان الانفتاح وتوجه الفتيات نحو الدخان -سواء كان سيجارة أو ارجلية - يعود الى التأثر بالثقافات الاخرى، ويرتبط بعلو الأصوات التي تنادي بتحرر المرأة، خصوصا في ظل ثورة المعلومات .
وتتابع التدخين أمام العائلة خارج وداخل المنزل بات مؤشرا لاتجاه المجتمع نحو قيم وعادات غريبة بعيدة عن ثقافتنا العربية .

and

ولأخطر من ذلك وفق الدكتورة أيوب أن نضوج الفتاة يكتمل عند سن 25 عاما، فإذا بدأت التدخين في سن مراهقة متأخر تكون النتيجة حسب الدراسات العلمية، حدوث مشاكل في نضوج ونمو الجزء الأمامي من الدماغ، الذي يتحكم بالتصرفات والسلوكيات ،وطبعا هذا يفسر التصرفات غير المقبولة منهن .

and

ويحذر من خطورة الارجلية على أجسام النساء ويصفها بأنها موضة آخذة في الانتشار على نطاق واسع رغم خطورتها بسبب احتوائها على الملونات والأصباغ في المعسل وعدم الاحتراق الكامل ما يعد احد اسباب السرطانات

and the worst bit

اما مديرة مجموعة لينا للإبداع التربوي/ برنامج مكافحة التدخين ماويا حمّاد فتفسر إقبال النساء على التدخين لأسباب أساسية أهمها غياب التشريعات والعقوبات الفعّالة ،وكذلك سهولة الحصول عليها من حيث البيع وتواجدها في كل محل تقريبا ، إضافة إلى غياب القدوة الحسنة فالام تدخن مع بناتها وكذلك الأب عندما يطلب من ابنته اعداد الارجلية له

To sum it up, it turns out that smoking is a Western habit that Jordanian women are picking up, it causes them to behave in unacceptable ways if they pick it up before 25, it is a problem that is directly related to the increasing awareness of women’s rights, Narguile is a dangerous trend that is infesting women’s bodies with diseases, AND according to Mawya Hammad women who smoke do so because there are no regulations enforced to prevent them and because they have ready access to cigarettes coupled with lack of guidance.

I felt like I am living in the Middle Ages after reading that article, or perhaps back in the times where clerics and philosophers pondered the question of The Woman and if she has a soul. To have an article written by a woman, and featured like that in a national newspaper, is a scandal to Jordanian journalism I believe.

If the article is about smoking women in Jordan, who represent a 19% segment of our feminine population, then it should be unbiased and unsexist to say the least. Unless, of course, it aims to bash this segment, which it basically does.

I am amazed at the absence of a single word mentioning Jordanian male smokers. What is the percentage of that segment, do you think? (my guess is 50%+) How come all the negativity is directed at female smokers (Western habits, unacceptable behavior, no regulations, no guidance, etc) ?

Granted, smoking is not good for your health. I don’t care if you are a woman or a man or a goat, it will kill you eventually. I just find it absurd that this article would so portray women as if they are children who have been let out by accident and who are picking bad habits in the absence of parental control.

If an article of the same genre was written about male smokers in Jordan, would it have mentioned that they “have ready access to cigarettes” and “lack of guidance” and that they have adopted it as awareness of men’s rights started to emerge in Jordan, and with the same tone of this article? I very much doubt it.

It upsets me that even articles that fall under the “raising awareness” genre stoop to such a low level of sexism in this country. The sheer amount of bashing women smokers not because they smoke but because they are women who smoke in our society is outrageous. These articles mix science with witchcraft, so to speak.

These articles do not raise awareness as much as they raise anger and a feeling of inferiority in women. Why else would they be signaled out like that and a supposedly scientific article would mention their taboo behavior and quote people who say they are breaking with Jordan’s culture and traditions? I daresay the amount of anger this article has produced in me might push me to burn a packet today.

Now where’s that awareness it was supposed to raise?

Egypt has just won over Cameroon and is now the Champion of African Football. Woohoo! I really enjoyed this game and Egypt deserved to win the African Cup of Nations. Now onward to the FIFA World Cup qualifiers. I so can’t wait!

As a plus, those Cameroon players were so very entirely hot. I have a huuuge crush on Rigobert Song now. I wish he would join Faisali as a pro and then I promise I will not miss any of their games, I will even camp in King Abdullah stadium.

I also love Drogba from Ivory Coast, although he didn’t feature in this game obviously, but he’s fine .

Black. 6 pack. Long hair. What’s there not to love? Maybe the color of his outfit, but in my world, clothing is optional.

Ehem. Bas mabrook ya masr!

“That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud puddles, or gives me any best place, and ain’t I a woman? … I have plowed, and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me — and ain’t I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man (when I could get it), and bear the lash as well — and ain’t I a woman? I have borne thirteen children and seen most all sold off to slavery and when I cried out with my mother’s grief, none but Jesus heard me — and ain’t I woman?”

- Sojourner Truth

To be a black woman in America in the 18th century meant being thrice disadvantaged: black, woman, slave. Still, Sojourner Truth was able to say these words and achieve a lot more throughout her life. Read more about her remarkable journey here.

Tawjihi results came out earlier today, so my mother has been on the phone ever since asking about the results of a bunch of Tawjihi students in the family. From what I could hear, she was always disappointed at any grade less than 90 out of a 100. “Ah, ballah? 80? Mmm…yalla kwayyes kwayyes beshed 7eelo el fasl el jay.”

I gave her evil stares when she said that to the mothers of Tawjihi students. I don’t understand this need that many Jordanians have to butt in everyone’s business and evaluate their performance in school. I just don’t get it. If a person passes Tawjihi, they do so for their own good. If they don’t, it’s their bad. Why should everyone get involved and offer unnecessary advice to the mothers of these students?

How did I miss this earlier today?

Turkey has unbanned veiled women from enrolling in public universities. What a victory for human rights!

I am ecstatic!