Comments on: A Woman With Too Many Degrees

By: Hani Obaid

Hani Obaid — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 09:13:11 +0000

She is certainly not not obliged to give up her career, I just don’t think the "super mom" who can both do well on her career, and raise the kids is all that common simply because of the time constraints.

Aside from what you mentioned in that only a woman is capable of being pregnant, and breastfeeding, most legal systems will give custody of the child to the mother on a divorce meaning that society views the mother as more capable of child-rearing.

So yes I agree it’s a social mandate, but not necessarily a bad one. If we apply a neutral view on which parent is more capable of raising children to the law, it means the mother doesn’t always get custody of the children by default. This is something men’s rights groups (mostly divorced fathers) have been asking for for years now. On the other hand if a woman doesn’t want to marry a man with such ideas, it is her choice. So it would be better for women not to make this argument.

I don’t normally take society’s word for what is right and wrong, but based on observation of the men and women around me, I think women are better with kids. For instance, I always got on and learned more from my female teachers than male.

This may be in part due to society’s expectations of women i.e. one will be taught, and will make sure they are good at playing the role society expects from them.

By: Tololy

Tololy — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 12:39:52 +0000

Hani, as you put it, it seems the question of a woman’s potential is only determined by the man she marries and not by her own choices.

Women’s not being able to stay late at work and other obstacles have not been shaped by women themselves, but are rather social constraints as you well know. Therefore, they are not an indication of women’s productivity or potential.

Where does it say, in a woman’s body, that she must take care of children and not go out to work? Arguably, women are biologically capable of carrying and giving birth to, and breastfeeding, babies. But after the first two years of a baby’s age, WHERE in a woman’s body is she OBLIGED to give up public life (career in this example) and dedicate her entire life to caring for children?

The answer is: nowhere in a woman’s biology is she obliged to give up a career and care for children as her sole occupation. Likewise, this does not exist in a man’s body. So the question of who brings up the children is NOT a biological mandate but rather a social custom.

Do I think you are a caveman? I do not agree with your point of view, and I definitely find it disappointing that an intelligent man such as yourself would establish a strict relationship between a female’s biology and her social status and life potential. I am honestly surprised.

By: Hani Obaid

Hani Obaid — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 22:28:22 +0000

I couldn’t personally put up with any sort of marriage.

Still, I don’t think it’s accurate to assume that all men who don’t want a woman that makes a lot of money, or has a higher education level want this because they want an obedient slave. This is just too hostile.

Some of the men I talk to with those views simply oppose women working all together, and want his wife to raise the kids as a full time job, and it really is.

At my company, the biggest measure of hard work is how much later than the official office hours you stay behind. The other day several of us staid past 8PM, and one woman was saying its soo late, and she had to leave. A male colleague responded jokingly by saying, "so what I’m staying" to which she replied: "yeah but you’re not a mommy".

My mom stopped working after she had the first kid, and I know my childhood wouldn’t have been the same if she didn’t. I can just imagine how I would have turned out if I was raised by my grandma, or god forbid a nanny.

So personally I don’t mind women working as long as they don’t have kids. Am I a caveman too ?

By: Devil's Mind

Devil's Mind — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 17:45:18 +0000

I did not imagine ANYONE can shift the blame"</i> - Well, there is no crime to start with… So neither one is to "blame"!! But just like the guy had the fault of being "retro", she committed two faults. First and most important, is that she lied… Second, she is being making decisions on irrelevant issues!

By: sk8erboi

sk8erboi — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 16:05:58 +0000

Some guys still think of that retro way! I once had an argument with a taxi driver who tried to convince me that you should marry someone 18 or younger and she shouldn’t go to school! This way, you can shape her personality to your likes and won’t have a personality of her own! And he was DEAD SERIOUS!!!

I disagree with those who criticized your classmate, and as a guy, I have to say; that was a fast quick test to figure out the kind of girl he’s looking for and get out while she still could.

And to comment on Hatem’s comment, that also applies to the man! Like you said: Partnership!

By: Tololy

Tololy — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 08:55:41 +0000

For Devil’s Mind and Abdullah: If I had not hinted that she did not want a PhD, you would not have known about it. I did not imagine ANYONE can shift the blame from the caveman to the girl in my class.

Indeed it was a get-to-know-you session, which he filled with boasting about his achievements and his car, and then told the girl he does not like a woman with many degrees. She DEFINITELY knew a lot about him just through that remark. And rejected his sorry ass, meh.

… insecure caveman.

By: Abdullah

Abdullah — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 08:25:32 +0000

Oh and for the ‘test’ she has done, no offence again but that was awful, so mean and so shame to do, it was supposed to be a honest get to know meeting!

What if he was the one he told lies for ‘testing purpose’; would your mate forgive him?! Would you forgive him or write a one page post for cursing him and his tardiness, I think that is not fare.

Thx “Devil’s Mind’ for opening my eyes on this.

By: Abdullah

Abdullah — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 07:25:01 +0000

Well it’s complicated but more close to be a preferences and beliefs matter, I’ve hared heard it once from a woman, “I wont let my daughters go to university, that would be better for them” without any further explanation, another said “I go to work, earn money but am not supposed (under any circumstances) to help my husband in home’s or living expenses, my money is for my entertainment only”!! SOME women have weird thoughts about education/work versus marriage life, and SOME men have these thoughts too.

You can’t judge someone for his own belief and call him caveman and I can do that for a woman also, it’s only who are and how do you act and think.

By: hatem abunimeh

hatem abunimeh — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 22:33:56 +0000

What’s with this entire obsession about the high level of education, a woman can be the most educated person on earth and she still fails to maintain an intimate relationship with her spouse, fail to lead an appropriate parenthood, fail to communicate properly, fail to execute, fail to maintain good housekeeping. Education doesn’t automatically translate into being a good wife, a partner in health and in sickness. Education doesn’t make the woman love her husband and her children, and her household much more than uneducated woman. On the contrary an uneducated woman may have much more love in her heart than the educated one. Being together and loving one another forever isn’t about education, it isn’t about money, it isn’t about fancy and phony life style, it is about love, it is about respect, it is about tolerance, and none of that has anything to do with education. The name of the game is love, the depth and the breadth of love erases everything else on its way, the more you love your partner the less that you will have a tendency to see all of the blemishes that they have.

By: sand man

sand man — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 20:17:54 +0000

choosing a woman with less education is not something wrong but a matter of choice ts like going to the mall and buying things that suits u. same thing goes for women who choose rich men, which is matter of believes. both have certain believes that he/she is conviced with and acting according to it. imagin the same situation with a girl who asked a guy who propsed to her what kinda car u have or do u even own a house, what would that be ? is she threatened by something ? and yeah here comes the victims . women are always victimized by men. men are evil, they are eating their rights. bla bla bla… come on look what is happening in the world, women are taking their place in the world and u still talk about men are bigs. i remember one incident that happened with me before i got my car, i used to take the bus, and everyone know who’s it like on it. bus drivers tend to overload the bus with extra passengers, so a girl got on and there was no seat for her, so she stood beside me and stared at me as if she’s saying " get the hell up, and let me sit" u’re expexting things to be ur way. Hello welcome to the real world, u’ll be shut and treated like hell, not coz u’re women but thats how people treat each other. and people who treat others like that are horrible PEOPLE not Horrible MEN. its a retard to make accusations and generlizations to all men. There is no Jareyat anymore, no one can put a leach on anybody. unless u let them and thats another case..