“My feelings for you shame me into silence. The truth of this and your name will never be revealed. It is you who has made me realize the failure of my life. The thought of you fills me with longing and at the same time, a burning humiliation that produces scar tissue and dead brain cells. Your existence mocks me and I am unable to confront this. You have no idea of any of this. None of this is your fault. It is completely with me. It is you who makes me see what I really am. I am weak and out of touch with myself.”
- Henry Rollins
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
~Alfred Tennyson - 1850
I am weak
Looking to get stronger
When I open my eyes all the way
It’s all there is for me
Kindness is strength
It’s easier to close a door, than to keep it open
Hatred is easy
Frustration is life on pause
These are truths that are hard for me to deal with
I learned a lot this year
I think I am stronger than last year
Self-creation is painful
Trying to take my parent’s blood out of mine
Trying to stand on my own two feet
Without leaning on someone else
Looking to myself for total strength
To be
One
From
None
I’ve been gone a long time
So long that I forgot I had a face
Forgot that I had a voice that you could hear
When you tell me how much I mean to you
And you want to know how I feel
I see my silence spit in your face
I didn’t mean to throw a rock into your reflection
Maybe some things are better left broken and scattered
Veiled in darkness, secret bitterness and self doubt
I should have known better
Than to start something that I couldn’t finish
That I couldn’t care about
That I couldn’t remember starting in the first place
I don’t want to know you
You went years without me
You might as well keep on going
Henry Rollins