A couple of weekends ago my dad taught me how to play Blackjack (21 in his words) and Poker, and we played for a couple of hours with my Victoria’s Secret The World’s Sexiest Playing Cards, mainly because I could not find the regular cards anywhere in the house. We played with imaginary money, while my dad kept lecturing me about how dangerous it is to get addicted to gambling, and about how the house always wins. I nodded all the way through, of course. It was cute because he was ultra excited about teaching me, and might I add, also about how quickly I was learning, and at the same time he was worried this play would get serious.

This weekend: (click on pics to see them larger in my Picasa album)

Briefly in Amman:

Lucky worm meets The Model Hand:

And we made Haleva, thin Circassian pastry stuffed with salted mashed potatoes and then fried to perfection:

C’est tout.

All bluffing aside, I am now a model for real. I know that it doesn’t make sense because I am petite and my bust-waist-hip measurements are not exactly Cocaine Kate (Kate Moss) material, but hey, this is 2008 and this is Tololy: ANYTHING can happen.

Seriously though, I posted pictures of my hands/nails on this blog at different points in the past. Some of these pictures were a documentation of my ‘good’ nail days, and others were a documentation of my ‘bad’ nail days. I admit I enjoy taking pictures of myself because I am a devoted narcissist as any of my friends and family will swear to you should you ask them, but that’s a topic for another day.

I was contacted by two sister websites: www.unghielunghe.com, and www.nailslong.com to be a hand model for them. Both sites are based in Italy and feature pictures of nails and hands and all things related to them, and it seems they found my nail pictures online and wanted me to join them. I said OK, so I expect my pictures to appear in these sites any day now. Pretty fetishistic and exciting, if you ask me — they’ve got some seriously long nails featured there.

I am, needless to say, flattered and very amused at this cosmic irony. Because right now, my hands look like they have just stepped out of a horror movie called Teeth. But the unexpected flattery of being asked to be a hand model (even if it doesn’t pay) got me thinking I should go easy on them.

Now I am off to pamper my hands by not eating them. People who want my autograph should contact me by email or by leaving comments on this post. Thank you.

What does he mean by this question?
Oh…what does ‘underlie’ and ‘overtone’ mean?
Hmmff.
Five minutes passed already?
What does he want exactly?
This is so confusing.
This is a trap test.
Why is everyone writing so excitedly?
What are they writing?
What do they know that I don’t?
I studied too!
Ok. Back to Q.1, what does he want me to say?
What does he expect?
I don’t remember what Said said about knowledge and power and hegemony.
Can I make it up?
Skip that question. Don’t waste time.
Hey, did my fall make me dumb? Like damage my brain?!
Blank.
Hmmm… The Sheik, I can do that.
Underlie? Assumptions? What?
Everyone is so into this exam. WHAT are they writing?
Maybe it’s just the smart American kids.
No, Arabs too.
Shit.
Ok, focus. The Sheik…Diana, Ahmed, World War I, projections, anti-feminist…
How do I start this?
Introduction.
Quick! Time!!!
I am not going to look at the time.
“Both the novel and the movie did more to portray contemporary transatlantic anxieties than…”
Blank.
What did I want to say?
What was my point?
None of what I wrote makes sense.
Think. Please. Think.
Jed is writing like a frog on steroids.
They’re nerds, this is a class of nerds.
Did I look like that when I was smarter?
I hate the smarter me. So nerdy.
Why am I not writing?
“…to depict an accurate image of Arabs at the time.”
Progress.
Q.3
Bernard Lewis. Ok, I know Lewis.
“What went wrong?” — relates to Arabs and non-Arabs.
What does that mean?
I am going to write whatever comes to my mind.
Arab victim mentality, unintrusive West, bla bla bla
Hmm. How do I finish this?
Did I really answer the question?
Arabs and non-Arabs? Readers? Politicians? What?
Idiot professor. WHAT does he want?
Why does he have to be so vague?
Why am I suffering to answer a question?
This has never happened before.
Blank.
How do I finish this?
Blank.
I can’t think of anything more to write.
Blank.
Maybe if I stretch my legs a little.
Blank.
He asked for two pages per question. Think!
Blank.
I’ll throw in a little philosophical spice and finish it.
Whatever.
It sucks to be dumb.

Painting? No, it’s Samara.

Puppy.

Scrabble. Over and over.

Lizard! No chameleons this time, sorry guys.

Every single bone, joint, and muscle in my body aches. I am too used to sitting all day staring at a monitor and frying my brains typing things on the keyboard. The great outdoors were once my thing, before I became a digital hermit. And now, badminton, mountain climbing, chasing after lizards, racing kids, throwing Frisbees, all mean one thing: PAIN.

We celebrated Egypt’s African Cup today at the office because we have an Egyptian colleague named Saeed. He’s such a sweet man and he was so very happy today that he even got us knafeh! He was like the king on the first day of Eid, receiving hearty congrats from everyone, in person or on the phone.

I just remembered that the Egyptian sports commentator who was talking during the whole of last night’s game really brought it to a new different level. He was so funny with his unintentional cute Egyptian humor that the game was twice as fun.

بص أبو تريكة ابتسامته عاملة إزاي
أبو تريكة رجله كلها حركة
الكورة دي مش عاوزة تيجي خلاص

That really brought the game to life. Gold!

Egypt has just won over Cameroon and is now the Champion of African Football. Woohoo! I really enjoyed this game and Egypt deserved to win the African Cup of Nations. Now onward to the FIFA World Cup qualifiers. I so can’t wait!

As a plus, those Cameroon players were so very entirely hot. I have a huuuge crush on Rigobert Song now. I wish he would join Faisali as a pro and then I promise I will not miss any of their games, I will even camp in King Abdullah stadium.

I also love Drogba from Ivory Coast, although he didn’t feature in this game obviously, but he’s fine .

Black. 6 pack. Long hair. What’s there not to love? Maybe the color of his outfit, but in my world, clothing is optional.

Ehem. Bas mabrook ya masr!

Tawjihi results came out earlier today, so my mother has been on the phone ever since asking about the results of a bunch of Tawjihi students in the family. From what I could hear, she was always disappointed at any grade less than 90 out of a 100. “Ah, ballah? 80? Mmm…yalla kwayyes kwayyes beshed 7eelo el fasl el jay.”

I gave her evil stares when she said that to the mothers of Tawjihi students. I don’t understand this need that many Jordanians have to butt in everyone’s business and evaluate their performance in school. I just don’t get it. If a person passes Tawjihi, they do so for their own good. If they don’t, it’s their bad. Why should everyone get involved and offer unnecessary advice to the mothers of these students?

I want wasta.

I am plagued with a father who does not like wasta nor is he willing to pull any strings whatsoever for whoever’s sake. I do not know what radiation he was subjected to to turn into this mutant. I cannot move on with life unless I have this crucial wasta (connections), and I am tired, so tired, of doing things the right way. You never get anywhere in this country when you do things the right way.

I am sick of anti-wasta rhetoric, including mine. Anti-wasta campaigns will never work in Jordan because we are born with a wasta gene called family name. I do not care if nobody believes me, but that is what I think. Our society is so full of wasta crap that we cannot wake up and smell the shit. At least not before a long, long time has passed and we are all nuked and another generation in another time lives on this piece of land.

I cannot bear this helplessness that I feel any longer, therefore, I am putting myself up for adoption. I will only be adopted by the best wasta-holding person that applies. If you are a person with a wasta, please write your wasta value and benefits down here. I will review all entries and publish some in the coming few days.

House work is evil, it must be stopped.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

I child-proofed my house but they still get in.

A clean house is a sign of a wasted life.

They lied. Hard work has killed lots of people.

Amen to all of that.

Domestically Challenged,

Tololy

P.S: You can buy the five-piece set from BlueQ.