I could not think of anything to blog about yesterday. I cannot think of anything today. As a result, this is one post void of valuable/intelligible content. No finding a cure for cancer or a solution for poverty and famine today –sorry folks.
I am demonstrating strange vacuum behavior.
You know I steal inspiration sometimes, right? Well now you do, anyway. Some people are just so very insanely creative and they make it seem like it’s so very insanely normal to be that creative, right? Have you met any of these people? Well I have, anyway… Not “met met” but sort of “knew of the existence of that rare specimen of mindblowers.” You know what I mean, right?
Scott Adams is one of the people who belong to my GG: Genius Gallery. I just came up with the whole concept, but you did not know that before I said this and you thought I had some trace of creativity or lovely-name-giving or at least some long-term planning tendencies.
So Adams has an amazing cartoon strip, Dilbert, that I follow religiously. He also has a blog which he started in March this year, and I was just reading what he wrote there. Not only do his cartoons make me laugh myself to tears at the office, because I relate to them very very much, but they make my colleagues look at me in a strange way and think I am deranged…especially the new technician. And now the blog!
In his blog, I read that Adams wants to be a Sheikh. He wants to be called Sheikh Adams, here’s the hilarious post:
Traditionally, the word sheikh has been a title of respect for an old, scholarly, tribal elder. Lately it refers to anyone who is a leader. If they keep lowering the bar, you have a good chance of someday being one.
Sheikh is a great word on several levels. First, there’s the silent h on the end that practically says “fuck you.” It doesn’t even pretend to be working. I like consonants with attitude.
Second, the word just rolls off the tongue in a pleasing way. It sounds like my impression of an arrow flying through the air and hitting its target. Try it at home: sheeeeeeek.
My new goal is to be known as Sheikh Adams. For that, I’ll have to become a leader of some sort. Unfortunately, I am not evil enough to inspire people to do things that are not in their best interest, the way a proper leader would: “Ignore those machine guns and charge the hill!”
The best I can do is to inspire my followers to do what they want to do anyway. Today I would like each one of you to eat, poop, and have an orgasm. (Not at the same time.) Once you have completed the Holy Trinity, or whatever you call it in your house, you may refer to me as Sheikh Adams.
Is that enough disturbing juxtaposition for one day?
Ahhh… I’ve always wanted to be a She-Sheikh too, so I doodled the dream:
I was at a governmental department this morning getting something done. The receptionist referred me to an old man who then referred me to a much younger guy who, interestingly, looked cute yet dignified.
This fellow was processing my papers, had me sign a couple, asked me some questions, and so on. He was very professional and really looked the part with his name tag and white shirt and black tie. The office was a quirky small space with three disks in it and piles of papers on each. The two other office people were having falafel sandwiches and orange juice for breakfast, and I saw a slice of tomato slip from one sandwich but a mouth quickly grabbed it.
Aside from that semi-comic sketch of breakfast in the “da2era,” everything else was very polished and neat. People walked in and out and the person handling my papers helped them out very quickly. Then, out of nowhere, I heard
Lil’ mama, show me how you move it,
Go ahead put ya back into it,
Do ya thang like there aint nothin to it,
Shake..shake.. shake that ass girl.
The guy continued to process my papers and I looked around for the source of the catchy beat but I couldn’t find it. Then, just as 50 Cent was saying You can have anything you want … If you shake that ass for me, Mr.Office Guy reached into his drawer and grabbed a cell phone to answer a call. He was very serious about it, too.
The contrast between the setting, the looks of Office Guy, the way he talked, and his ringtone was stunning. It was very amusing to hear him end virtually every sentence with “Inshallah” and “Hamdulillah” when his ringtone was très naughty. It was very much like this famous video:
So my last post, which was a shot at expressing my “amusement” at the utterly dull Miss Egypt 2007 promo, turned out to be a big thing. But considering the weirdness levels in my life and the numerous, numerous times I had to ask myself “what are the odds for THAT to happen?,” I am surprised only a shwai.
First of all, the post was confusing to some people. I think they attached too much meaning to it. I only meant to “do” one of the contestants for Miss Egypt 2007. You see, they ran that promo on one of the gazillion music satellite stations and it bored me to death. How on earth are people supposed to pick ONE contestant out of the, what 20?, nesting dolls that look the same, talk the same, and basically do not stand out from one another?
And they say beauty paginates are “also about character.” I don’t even want to get to that.
Second of all, a dear Egyptian friend of mine is actually friends with contestant number four. Yup. The number I picked randomly to star in my pathetic sketch is an actual human being that one of my friends is friends with. He asked me if I was targeting her in specific, I said of course I wasn’t. It was a random choice…
… Or was it?
May all the weirdness in my life never cease to be. This is better than movies!
(Girl appears on screen and pictures of her wearing tons of makeup and huge fake-diamond earrings flash across the screen. She is wearing jeans and a skimpy top. She starts talking in a sweet voice).
Hi ismi Tololy Tutunai wi 3andi 22 sana… *leans to the side a little bit*
Badres wi bashtaghal fi Jordan wi I love my job… *plays with her hair*
Ba7eb el eraya wel shopping wel ketaba awi. Wi kaman ba7eb el ‘3ona wel ra2s geddan… *tilts head*
Vote for me, cody arba3a… *does number four with her fingers, very delicately*
- I -
Lately I’ve been wanting to be simple.
I don’t know why but I know I like to experiment.
This is not a poem. It’s also not a song.
- II -
Now I have to go to class and I don’t feel like it.
The professor is an idiot.
He reminds me of the naked king.
So pumped up and yet so worthless.
- III -
Not so long ago I posted in a forum.
I posted my opinions in God and people.
The moderator deleted the post.
He/she/it asked me not to talk about religion.
There was a rule, not to discuss religion.
I wasn’t discussing religion. God is not religion.
- IV -
Yesterday a classmate told me something.
She told me I had strange opinions.
I asked her what she meant by that.
She said she feels I am mysterious and exotic.
It was because I showed the girls my hair.
I told them they “don’t want to know what I believe in.”
What marvels? What strange opinions?
Playful hair maybe. Yeah.
- V -
Once I wondered if I would turn into an orange.
It’s an old post, you can dig it up.
Now I wonder if I am, at all.
Thinking is overrated, passion is underrated.
And too much literature spoils the mind.
Also cigarettes and perfume.
Hardly moments ago, I was corresponding with a friend of mine through SMS — which is by far my favorite means of communication. I really enjoy the challenge of using up the meager 125 characters to the maximum, with style and character-reflective creativity.
And no, I am not overdoing it. I seriously see each SMS in that light. It is like a test to my communication and language abilities, and I never write “U” instead of “you.” I write proper and I preserve my character (one that doesn’t use ^_^ or says wsup).
“I am great but lazy around the edges… I don’t have stuff of the nature you speak of. Just now someone remarked that my phone rings a lot.”
And that was my inspirational post for the day…
I will blog when I reach home I will blog if I reach home in one piece, so help me God.
Blogs usually say something about their authors. What is your impression of The Box? Is it…
1- Evil
2- Creative
3- Too serious
4- Sophisticated
5- Nonsense
6- (Something else, do share!)
Thank you for taking part in this opinion survey. Please post your opinion in the comments section and if it’s too special/private do drop me your mind at tutunai@gmail.com or use the form in The Contact in my sidebar. Grazie!
